Flower Planter

A Flower Planter, Soil, and How to Make Sure Your Bulbs Don't Die

You have the flower planter. You want to have flowers. It’s a simple matter of mixing dirt with seeds and sloshing water on them, right? If you're nodding right now, you should expect a restraining order from my tulips any day.
 
First off, seeds will rarely be involved. You'll be planting bulbs, most likely, and they will not produce light. Color, yes, but if you keep trying to plug their little roots into that electric socket, I can't guarantee that I'll let you out of here alive. Now that you've scared the bulbs, lets talk about actually planting them. First, you need to get good potting soil and fill your flower planter. You can’t get just any soil; it needs to be loaded with the correct nutrients, and it needs to be slightly acidic--around pH 6 or 7.  Have the soil tested at a gardening center, or buy a do-it-yourself kit. Centers will usually do it for free, or for a very small fee, and self-testing kits, which are NOT kept in pharmaceuticals, you sicko, run anywhere from five to twenty dollars.
 
It's unlikely that the soil will be perfect. If you find that its acid content is too high, you'll need to add lime to it. If it's not acidic enough, mix in some sulfur. If it's too much like clay, mix it with sand and loosen it a little, and if it's too much like sand, blend it with some compost. The soil may also lack the required nutrients, in which case you can blend it with manure or even manufactured fertilizer, but don’t go crazy. If you “overfeed” the bulbs, you can damage them.
 
Now you can put the soil in your flower planter. Make sure you mix it around so that the acid and nutrient content are roughly the same through the entire pot, and then you're free to plant your bulbs.
 
Most flower planters will have a way for water to escape on the bottom. This doesn't always hold true, particularly with cheaper ones, or with ones you've clayed and fired yourself.  In any case, this is easy enough to fix.  Either jab a hole in the exact middle of the bottom, roughly 1/10th the circumference of the pot, or else jab a few conservatively sized holes along the edges. If you water your bulbs without these holes, you can drown them.
 
Next, make sure you place your flower planter somewhere where it will get sunlight for a good portion of the day. Flower bulbs can't subsist off of electric light, unless you purchase a special type of lamp.  The northern side of your house is a bad place for the flower planter, and the southern side is only a little better, so if your patio faces north or south, or is covered in any type of perpetual shadow, you'll need to rethink where you're going to put them.
 
After you've made sure your flower planter, soil, and position are correct, all you need to do is research the type of flower you've planted and provide it with care, accordingly. Tip: water is generally involved. So, yeah, I think you're ready to plant your bulbs.
 
Oh. And my tulips asked me to tell you congratulations, but that you still can't come around anymore.  That whole bit with the electricity was just too much for them.